Sex Education in the church
This is a sensitive topic, so if you don’t want to read through this one, please skip. This is your only warning…
See, that’s another thing…why does it have to be such a taboo subject? All growing up, I don’t remember too many lessons on sex, masturbation, porn, etc. It was kind of hush, hush. I don’t remember my parents talking about it much, if at all. Either they were too embarrassed, or just didn’t feel right about talking about it. I wish I was exposed to more appropriate sex talk while growing up. I think everything needs to be in the open with the family…telling it like it is. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a talk in local church on masturbation, yet some think of it as one of the most grievous sins there is. They talk occasionally about the dangers of porn, but that’s about it. People at church would probably freak out if someone started talking about masturbation over the pulpit. Sad, but true.
Masturbation: One of the articles I have read was about the attitudes of masturbation in the LDS church was an interesting read. It was more of a historical paper on what prophets and apostles have said regarding the topic throughout the years. One story they shared was about a boy named Kip. He was from Boise, ID. Apparently back in 1981 or somewhere close to that, he committed suicide and left a note saying that he felt so much pressure from the church to stay morally clean. He had a masturbation addiction, and everyone in the church kept telling him that they would rather see the youth dead than alive with moral sin. So he felt that he had to die because he couldn't get out of his addiction, and that was what he was taught. It was very sad to me. The church over the years has compared masturbating to one of the most grievous sins, next to committing adultery. I don't believe this at all. What if this were my boys? Are we going to raise our kids with the attitude that "we would rather see you dead and clean and pure, than alive and impure"? What is that teaching our kids? I would be so sad if my boys were to kill themselves over a masturbation addiction. And I firmly believe that most if not every boy has tried it. They might not continue to do so. But in the grand scheme of things, is masturbating so bad that you are not going to make it to the celestial kingdom because of it? I don't believe that for a minute. Here's an archive.org article about the situation... https://archive.org/stream/LatterDayTragedy/Latter-Day-Tragedy_djvu.txt
"Some years ago the First Presidency said to the youth of the Church, “Better dead, clean, than alive, unclean” (In Conference Report, Apr. 1942, p. 89). I remember how my father impressed the seriousness of chastity upon my mind. He and I were standing in the railroad station in Rexburg, Idaho, in the early morning of November 12, 1920. We heard the train whistle and knew that in three minutes I would be on my way to Australia to fill a mission. In that short interval my father said to me, among other things, “My son, you are going a long way from home. But your mother and I, your brother and sisters, will be with you constantly in our thoughts and prayers, we shall rejoice with you in your successes, and we shall sorrow with you in your disappointments. When you are released and return, we shall be glad to greet you and welcome you back into the family circle. But remember this, my son, we would rather come to this station and take your body off the train in a casket than to have you come home unclean, having lost your virtue.” I pondered that statement at the time. I did not then have the full understanding of it that my father had, but I have never forgotten it.”
(Marion G Romney, 2nd Counselor in 1st Presidency, April 1979 General Conference, lds.org"
Other one.. "There is no true Latter-day Saint who would not rather bury a son or a daughter than to have him or her lose his or her virtue—realizing that virtue is of more value than anything else in all the wide world”
(President Heber J Grant, Oct 1944 General Conference, archive.org)"
Another one... "Your virtue is worth more than your life. Please, young folk preserve your virtue even if you lose your lives.”
(President David O McKay as quoted by Spencer W Kimball, “The Miracle of Forgiveness”, pg. 63, archive.org)
Do you not see how harmful that could be? Or how much un-needed pressure these types of statements put on someone? What if I was talking about my sons? Would you tell him this? You'd rather have them dead, than lose their virtue? THAT'S the thing I don't like; the attitudes like this. I think having an open conversation and teaching correct principles is a much better way to address these issues.
Masturbation has been scientifically shown to have health benefits including, but not limited to...
Pornography: I was a 'porn addict' for years and years. For the first 8 years of my married life, I was 'addicted' to porn. I couldn't stop, I couldn't say no, I couldn't just ignore it, I couldn't help myself. And yes, I almost got divorced over this. My wife couldn't handle my addiction, couldn't live with me, couldn't handle knowing what filth I was looking at.
Step back about a year now when I started to detach emotionally from the church. My desire to look at porn started to leave. I no longer felt like I HAD to look at it for that release, for the next high. I no longer felt like I HAD to look up bad videos and pictures to spite my wife after an argument.
Now look at me today, I have detached A LOT from the church. No longer attend, still technically a member, but don't believe in a lot of what the church says. My desire for porn has mostly disappeared! I didn't have to confess to the bishop and work through his steps of repentance to lower my desire. I tried and failed with the local LDS 12 step program, and never went back. I just don't have those desires I once had.
Now is it because I'm 10 years older than I was when I first started looking at porn, or is it because I've detached from the source that constantly taught me that it was forbidden and bad and that I will get divorced if I look at porn? I would say that the desire disappearing is directly correlated with my detachment from the church!
So is pornography as damaging and addicting as the LDS church says it is? The American Psychological Society says this... "Putting a label on a porn habit isn't an idle exercise. Understanding what drives the behavior is a necessary step toward designing effective treatments for people who can't control the urge. While science is far from settling this debate, some treatment programs continue to push the idea that porn is an addiction. "There's a tremendous treatment industry that needs this to be a disease — a thing they can charge people to treat," Prause says. But promoting certain therapies may be ill-advised. "You can harm patients by using treatment models that aren't research-supported," Prause says. Whether or not pornography is a diagnosable addiction, it's clear it hurts some people. For them, there just isn't much evidence about how best to control this behavior. "There is a real dearth of good, evidence-based therapeutic literature," Voon says."
They also point to a few studies that have been done on how porn affects males and females. One such study showed that male pornography use outcomes were negative, and female pornography use showed improved sexual quality. Interestingly this study was in part researched by researchers at Brigham Young University! Another study showed negative outcomes in males and positive outcomes for females using pornography.
The next study I thought was most interesting was THIS ONE. "When pornography use becomes excessive, romantic relationships can suffer. Destin Stewart, PhD, and Dawn Szymanski, PhD, at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, surveyed female college students and found that those who perceived their boyfriends' porn use to be problematic experienced lower self-esteem, poorer relationship quality and lower sexual satisfaction"
In conclusion, for ME, there is still more research to be done regarding sexuality and pornography use, but masturbating has been show to be very benificial and should be continued, and children should not be taught that masturbating can turn you gay, or should not be shamed for doing it, like the LDS church has done in the past.
See, that’s another thing…why does it have to be such a taboo subject? All growing up, I don’t remember too many lessons on sex, masturbation, porn, etc. It was kind of hush, hush. I don’t remember my parents talking about it much, if at all. Either they were too embarrassed, or just didn’t feel right about talking about it. I wish I was exposed to more appropriate sex talk while growing up. I think everything needs to be in the open with the family…telling it like it is. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a talk in local church on masturbation, yet some think of it as one of the most grievous sins there is. They talk occasionally about the dangers of porn, but that’s about it. People at church would probably freak out if someone started talking about masturbation over the pulpit. Sad, but true.
Masturbation: One of the articles I have read was about the attitudes of masturbation in the LDS church was an interesting read. It was more of a historical paper on what prophets and apostles have said regarding the topic throughout the years. One story they shared was about a boy named Kip. He was from Boise, ID. Apparently back in 1981 or somewhere close to that, he committed suicide and left a note saying that he felt so much pressure from the church to stay morally clean. He had a masturbation addiction, and everyone in the church kept telling him that they would rather see the youth dead than alive with moral sin. So he felt that he had to die because he couldn't get out of his addiction, and that was what he was taught. It was very sad to me. The church over the years has compared masturbating to one of the most grievous sins, next to committing adultery. I don't believe this at all. What if this were my boys? Are we going to raise our kids with the attitude that "we would rather see you dead and clean and pure, than alive and impure"? What is that teaching our kids? I would be so sad if my boys were to kill themselves over a masturbation addiction. And I firmly believe that most if not every boy has tried it. They might not continue to do so. But in the grand scheme of things, is masturbating so bad that you are not going to make it to the celestial kingdom because of it? I don't believe that for a minute. Here's an archive.org article about the situation... https://archive.org/stream/LatterDayTragedy/Latter-Day-Tragedy_djvu.txt
"Some years ago the First Presidency said to the youth of the Church, “Better dead, clean, than alive, unclean” (In Conference Report, Apr. 1942, p. 89). I remember how my father impressed the seriousness of chastity upon my mind. He and I were standing in the railroad station in Rexburg, Idaho, in the early morning of November 12, 1920. We heard the train whistle and knew that in three minutes I would be on my way to Australia to fill a mission. In that short interval my father said to me, among other things, “My son, you are going a long way from home. But your mother and I, your brother and sisters, will be with you constantly in our thoughts and prayers, we shall rejoice with you in your successes, and we shall sorrow with you in your disappointments. When you are released and return, we shall be glad to greet you and welcome you back into the family circle. But remember this, my son, we would rather come to this station and take your body off the train in a casket than to have you come home unclean, having lost your virtue.” I pondered that statement at the time. I did not then have the full understanding of it that my father had, but I have never forgotten it.”
(Marion G Romney, 2nd Counselor in 1st Presidency, April 1979 General Conference, lds.org"
Other one.. "There is no true Latter-day Saint who would not rather bury a son or a daughter than to have him or her lose his or her virtue—realizing that virtue is of more value than anything else in all the wide world”
(President Heber J Grant, Oct 1944 General Conference, archive.org)"
Another one... "Your virtue is worth more than your life. Please, young folk preserve your virtue even if you lose your lives.”
(President David O McKay as quoted by Spencer W Kimball, “The Miracle of Forgiveness”, pg. 63, archive.org)
Do you not see how harmful that could be? Or how much un-needed pressure these types of statements put on someone? What if I was talking about my sons? Would you tell him this? You'd rather have them dead, than lose their virtue? THAT'S the thing I don't like; the attitudes like this. I think having an open conversation and teaching correct principles is a much better way to address these issues.
Masturbation has been scientifically shown to have health benefits including, but not limited to...
- enhance sex with partners, physically and emotionally
- help people learn how they like to be touched and stimulated sexually
- increase the ability to have orgasms
- improve relationship and sexual satisfaction
- improve sleep
- increase self-esteem and improve body image
- provide sexual pleasure for people without partners, including the elderly
- provide sexual pleasure for people who choose to abstain from sexual activities with another person
- provide treatment for sexual dysfunction
- reduce stress
- release sexual tension
Pornography: I was a 'porn addict' for years and years. For the first 8 years of my married life, I was 'addicted' to porn. I couldn't stop, I couldn't say no, I couldn't just ignore it, I couldn't help myself. And yes, I almost got divorced over this. My wife couldn't handle my addiction, couldn't live with me, couldn't handle knowing what filth I was looking at.
Step back about a year now when I started to detach emotionally from the church. My desire to look at porn started to leave. I no longer felt like I HAD to look at it for that release, for the next high. I no longer felt like I HAD to look up bad videos and pictures to spite my wife after an argument.
Now look at me today, I have detached A LOT from the church. No longer attend, still technically a member, but don't believe in a lot of what the church says. My desire for porn has mostly disappeared! I didn't have to confess to the bishop and work through his steps of repentance to lower my desire. I tried and failed with the local LDS 12 step program, and never went back. I just don't have those desires I once had.
Now is it because I'm 10 years older than I was when I first started looking at porn, or is it because I've detached from the source that constantly taught me that it was forbidden and bad and that I will get divorced if I look at porn? I would say that the desire disappearing is directly correlated with my detachment from the church!
So is pornography as damaging and addicting as the LDS church says it is? The American Psychological Society says this... "Putting a label on a porn habit isn't an idle exercise. Understanding what drives the behavior is a necessary step toward designing effective treatments for people who can't control the urge. While science is far from settling this debate, some treatment programs continue to push the idea that porn is an addiction. "There's a tremendous treatment industry that needs this to be a disease — a thing they can charge people to treat," Prause says. But promoting certain therapies may be ill-advised. "You can harm patients by using treatment models that aren't research-supported," Prause says. Whether or not pornography is a diagnosable addiction, it's clear it hurts some people. For them, there just isn't much evidence about how best to control this behavior. "There is a real dearth of good, evidence-based therapeutic literature," Voon says."
They also point to a few studies that have been done on how porn affects males and females. One such study showed that male pornography use outcomes were negative, and female pornography use showed improved sexual quality. Interestingly this study was in part researched by researchers at Brigham Young University! Another study showed negative outcomes in males and positive outcomes for females using pornography.
The next study I thought was most interesting was THIS ONE. "When pornography use becomes excessive, romantic relationships can suffer. Destin Stewart, PhD, and Dawn Szymanski, PhD, at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, surveyed female college students and found that those who perceived their boyfriends' porn use to be problematic experienced lower self-esteem, poorer relationship quality and lower sexual satisfaction"
In conclusion, for ME, there is still more research to be done regarding sexuality and pornography use, but masturbating has been show to be very benificial and should be continued, and children should not be taught that masturbating can turn you gay, or should not be shamed for doing it, like the LDS church has done in the past.
REFERENCES:
- http://www.mormonstudies.net/pdf/mormon_masturbation.pdf
- https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1979/04/trust-in-the-lord
- https://archive.org/stream/ConferenceReports1940s/Conference%20Reports%201940-1949#page/n1243/mode/1up
- https://archive.org/stream/MiracleOfForgiveness/MoF#page/n32/mode/1up
- http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/04/pornography.aspx
- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22449010
- http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01328.x/abstract
- http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-012-0164-0
- https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexuality/masturbation